Combined families

     I’m the oldest girl in my family and the only older sibling I have is an older brother that I haven’t gotten along with for most of my life. I always thought it would be cool to have an older sister. Well, one day my dream came true when my dad remarried after my parents got divorced, and it wasn’t at all like I thought it would be. Combing two families was very rough on my family. The oldest siblings and I didn’t have the best relationship with my dad at the time, so when you add that with a new family it makes for very interesting interactions. My older step-sister was oldest only by a couple of months. She and I were so different that it made it very hard for me to like her at all. Over a lot of time, I have grown to love her, even though we still have our differences.
     There are many different theories to explain how families work. Combined families are some of the most complicated to explain because you are taking to different family backgrounds and mashing them together.
One theory is system theory. This treats families as if they are a machine that is working together to create something bigger. Part of this theory is an unspoken law that members In the family follow without thinking about it. For example, if someone takes a nap, there is an unspoken law that everyone in the house is dead quiet. I found that this “unspoken law” was really hard to translate over two different families. One family's unspoken law can be completely different from another families. For example, in my family, if anyone was ever taking a nap you were quiet. You did your best to not wake them up or bother them.
     My stepfamily does not have this rule. You could be in the most perfect deep sleep of your life in your room and they would come in and wake you right up, either uprightly or in some other way. My family had a very hard time understanding my stepfamily because our spoken law was so different from each other. You could say that we did not know how to work together like a machine.
     Another theory is the exchange theory. This is where families play the fifty-fifty game with each other. If I scratch your back you give me a hand massage. This was always the exchange my brother and I had while attending church. This theory sounds a lot like compromising consistently. When you compromise, you have to give up something you wanted. I believe that there is a better way of working together as a family. Where together you find a solution that everyone wants. Now that might not always happen, but would be ideal.
     The last theory I will talk about is conflict theory. This is when families are searching for superiority through a power struggle of who is right and who is wrong. My stepfamily kind of thrive off of living this way. It is very normal for them to argue and debate for fun. It is how they work out there disagreements and live together. I have a hard time understanding how this can be effective, but for some families its how they live.

     In conclusion, there are many theories of how a family can work together to be successful. Successful families are built upon the principles Jesus Christ taught while he was on the earth and can be found in The Proclamation To The Family. I encourage everyone to go read it and see what they can apply from it into their family.