Why I waited to get married before having sex

     Before I got married to my sweetheart Clayton, I had so many people confused and even mad at me that I was waiting until marriage before I had sex. Those who were confused just didn’t see how anyone could wait, and those who were mad seemed offended that I would withhold that from myself. As if sleeping with my fiancé would determine whether he would be a good match for me or not. Well, I’m going to debunk this worldly and frankly naive way of thinking with this blog by explaining why you should wait until marriage to have sex, and how to increase sexual satisfaction in your marriage.
     In one of my previous blog posts, I talked about the Relationship Attachment Model and why “touch” should be the last component added to a relationship. To sum it up quickly, any kind of touch (be it holding hands, making out, or having sex) releases hormones in a person’s body that make us feel bonded or attached to a person, especially for women. So when you decide to experiment with touch at the beginning of a relationship, It can make it hard to not have “tunnel vision”. Puppy love at the beginning of a relationship usually lasts for about 3 months before you start to see someone for who they are. So when you add sex at the beginning of a relationship, it would bond you to a person you don’t know which is very dangerous later on.
    So what if you do know a person for a while and you want to be even more closely bonded to them, why wait until marriage? First off, most people have sex for their own pleasure. They don’t have sex too nurture, cherish, and take care of a relationship. That is not even on their minds. The world combined with media teaches that if you love someone you need to get into their pants as fast as you can. Sex becomes a self-centered act instead of a selfless experience you share with your husband or wife.
     God teaches us that physical intimacy is something you should discover together as a couple once you have fully committed to them through marriage. Sex is the highest level of physical intimacy you can have with a person, so it makes sense that it should be shared in the highest form of commitment you can have. Sharing the highest level of intimacy with someone you're sharing a lower form of commitment can transfer negatively into your marriage.
     A lot of people think you should live together before you get married and make the relationship permanent. This way you can really “know” everything about the person without the risk of getting divorced. Sex is treated the same way. Treating physical intimacy in this lesser form before marriage will continue after marriage. If sex is just another thing to “test out” then how will it ever become something that can nurture and cherish something as fragile and sacred as a marriage? Having sex before you’re ready to commit to someone in every way cheats you from the happiness that comes from sex within the bonds of marriage.
     Here comes the secret sauce! How do you have the best sex!? First, take the time to date and find someone you’ve gotten to know, trust, rely on and eventually fully commit to through marriage. Second, understand how women and men experience sex differently. For a woman, to orgasm, she typically must feel safe, close, and warm before she can. For a man, this is switched around. Men feel safe, close and warm by having sex. So why would God make us this way? It seems like this makes sex such a confusing thing.
     Our Heavenly Father understands that sex is so much more than pleasure, true happiness comes when a person forgets themselves and serves others. Because men and women are made this way it essentially forces us to be vulnerable and attentive to our spouse during sex. Research shows that couples that have the best sex are those who are married and have learned how to focus on pleasing their spouse instead of focusing on how their spouse can please them. In 1 Corinthians chapter 7, Paul is teaching the people about physical intimacy within marriage. In verse 3 he says that the husband should “render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.” Let’s break down what due benevolence means. “Due” is defined as your right as a person or your privilege. “Benevolence” means generosity. So Paul is teaching us that it is the privilege of husbands and wives to be sexually generous to one another.
     What this looks like is for husbands and wives to talk and work together to know what the other enjoys. Though you may feel like you know your spouse 100%, it will take eternity studying them to truly know who they are. Sex is the same way. Husbands and Wives will be more satisfied in their sex lives if they focus on the other with their thoughts, actions, and words before, during and after making love. Don’t think that this can be practiced with cohabitation. Remember, though this is the way to have the best sex, the “secret sauce” isn’t made without step number one! That is, without being happily married to someone you have truly gotten to know first. Whether you waited like me or not, I hope that this post helped you understand more about sex and why it’s important to wait until marriage to share that and how powerful it can be within the bounds of marriage. 

Pictures is of my husband and I from the other day, when we walked near the place where he proposed to me! <3 <3 <3