Parenting

    I have a very spunky redhead sister who has a loud personality that can naturally make people turn away from her. When she perceives that people are turning away from her it triggers her to be even more obnoxious at times, leaving her need of connection and physical contact unmet. Brother Williams told a similar story in class about a kid who pushed people away because of some tendencies he had.
     To help this kid Brother Williams went out of his way to increase his physical contact with the boy by shaking his hand, putting his arm around his back, etc. He observed that has he did this, the boy (let’s say the boy's name is John) was more calm. Later, John’s parents came up to Brother Williams and thanked him for helping their son be more calm, easier to work with, and kinder to his siblings. The only thing they could think of that changed was what Brother Williams was doing. Isn’t it interesting that something as simple as adding minimal physical contact with someone could help them? There are so many things parents can do to help their children, especially those that require more attention. The world is increasingly teaching parents that children are a nuisance and that parenting is about figuring out how to make kids obey. WRONG. Parenting can be the most fulfilling role that anyone will ever have. So how do we teach our kids, especially those needing extra love like my little sister?
    When a problem arises, let’s say your 7-year-old doesn’t want to eat all her food, ask yourself “who owns this problem, and who is affected?” Answering this will help determine the next step to take. If the problem solely affects the child, then let the natural consequences teach the child. In this case, the natural consequence of not eating or finishing your food is that you could be hungry sooner than normal. This scenario affects the child.  Letting natural consequences occur wouldn’t be appropriate when the consequences are too dangerous, like addictive substances, early sexual intercourse, etc. However, in our scenario, the natural consequences would help the child to learn and grow. If or when the child complains about the natural consequences a parent should recognize the need and empathize with the child, but respect the natural consequences way of teaching.
    If the problem affects the parent, let’s say your 12-year-old daughter keeps using up all of your makeup without asking, then ask yourself the questions stated above. “Who owns the problem, and who is affected by it?” In this case, the parent is affected by it, so the next step would be to come up with your child some logical consequences. It’s important that you and your child work together to come up with a consequence that logical correlates with the problem occurring. You wouldn’t want to have the consequence of skipping a meal if your daughter forgets to ask to use your makeup, those two things don’t correlate. Once you have made the logical consequences together, it’s important that you follow through with your agreement. This teaches the child that you respect the agreement you made with them and that you believe that they have the power to live by it.
    Being a parent is about nurturing and teaching our children so they are prepared for the world. Learning how to respect our children and properly prepare them by letting natural and logical consequences guide them will prepare them to make independent decisions on their own that will lead them to be successful. My little sister needs extra love as well as guided intentional parenting that will help her as she grows. I’m grateful that I have a mother that is amazing at using these principles and I’m excited to be a parent one day and help my children. All 7 of them!