The no-fault divorce law set off a new attitude towards divorce. All of a sudden you could get divorced for any reason. Though it still took a lot of work, this law made it a lot easier to obtain a divorce, so many people did especially during the baby boom. This pattern of thinking started to grow and grow until it is what it is today. Today fewer people are getting divorced compared to previous generations, however, fewer people are getting married. Marriages are called “starter marriages” or worse “my first marriage.” There is an attitude that marriage is a temporary status update and not a binding sacred relationship.
In class, it was mentioned that 2 years after couples get divorced 70% of them say they could have and should have saved their marriage. This is a huge number! How do you think society would have changed if these people chose to work on their marriage and stay together? A better question is how do you think their kids’ lives would have changed if they decided to work on their marriage? A lot! I know that both of my parents have expressed this same regret, but now are at a point in their lives where they are unable to work on their marriage because they got remarried.
My Mother got remarried in the first year that my parents had split and my dad got remarried within the first 2 years after the divorce. It is very typical for men to remarry very soon after divorce. 70% of men that get divorced will remarry within 2 years after there divorce. Why? Men usually don’t have as much custody over their children as women do. This makes it easier for them to find a spouse quicker. Most people know that the statistics aren’t amazing for marriage satisfaction and successfulness for second marriages. Or for 3ird and 4th marriages for that matter.
So why aren’t more people choosing to fight for their marriages? Let’s dive into that a little deeper. A lot of spouses choose to get divorced once their children are either older, less reliant on them or possibly left the house. Spouses can share a lot of things in common, but a big one is parenting. When the kids are gone or are take less attending too, it can be easier for spouses to feel like they can’t relate to their spouse anymore. Especially once spouses become empty nesters, it can feel as if they have nothing in common and therefore they choose to separate.
A big factor that plays into this is how the spouses are treating their marriage in the first place. I have said it before, and I’ll say it again, marriage is a living breathing thing. It’s something that you need to daily nurture and take care of. If you aren’t treating your marriage like this, then it will surely be turned into mush once you can’t find anything in common anymore. However, even a mushy marriage can be strengthened. Someone once told me perception is the only reality. If more spouses could have a perspective change, their reality would also change.
I found that my biggest perspective changes have come when I increase my education and knowledge. That’s why I recommend the book “take back your marriage” by William Doherty. It explains a great concept about consumer marriage and this knowledge alone can help so many marriages. I originally had my mind set on talking more about combined families, but in the process, I wanted to share how to not have the difficulties that come with combining two families in the first place. For most marriages, it will always be better to choose to fight for your marriage instead of splitting and later getting remarried. If you are in a tight spot, I highly suggest expanding your knowledge on marriage to help strengthen your marriage when it’s hard to work on it.
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